6 Reasons Why You Should Join Toastmasters

One of the most important skills you as a professional can master is communication. But one of the most fear inducing forms of communication is public speaking. I know there have been times where I have been called to give an impromptu speech. To be honest I would have disappeared if I could when asked. But I am becoming more comfortable with public speaking through Toastmasters. Toastmasters International is a non-profit organization dedicated to helping others become more proficient in public speaking. Established in 1924, Toastmasters has over 14,000 clubs in 122 countries that meet on a regular basis (weekly, twice a month, or once a month). Some clubs are less formal than others, but the all follow the same general format and meetings last between 60-90 minutes. But let me tell some really awesome reasons you should join a Toastmasters near you.

1. Safe Environment - The goal of Toastmasters is to help build confidence as a speaker. I have been to several clubs, and I have never been to one where members were berated or intimidated. When speeches are evaluated, constructive criticism is used.

2. Cost Effective - The cost for a six month membership is on average $36. Some clubs cost a little more. But for an average of $6 a month to attend a regular skill building workshop, you can't beat that with a stick.

3. Learn Impromptu Speaking - One of the features of a Toastmasters meeting is Table Topics. During Table Topics, members are asked to give a 1-2 minute speech on a random topic (i.e. your worst trip ever). It helps prepare you for situations such as interviews or team meetings when you're asked a question that seems like it came out of left field.

4. Develop Speeches for Different Occasions - Once you become a member, you'll receive the Competent Communication Manual. The manual contains 10 speech projects you can complete at your own pace. An example of one of the projects you'll complete is a speech using visual aides. After completing the 1st manual, you can continue in the Advanced series and complete as many speeches as you like. The point of the series is to prepare you for different situations.

5. Develop Leadership Skills - Toastmasters is nothing without it's members. And each member is given the opportunity to take part in a leadership role if they so choose. There is even a leadership manual that discusses how to perform each role in the club, and there are many.

6. Learn How to Give (and Receive) Constructive Criticism - One of the features of the club is speeches are evaluated. Through Toastmasters, you'll learn how to give an evaluation that is meant to build up, not tear down the speaker. This is an essential tool for managers or business owners when coaching employees. It is also beneficial for learning how to accept feedback without becoming defensive.

Final Tip: If you're going to join a club, smaller clubs offer more opportunities for leadership roles and to give speeches. That's helpful if you need to improve your skills in a shorter amount of time. Also, if there's no club in your area, consider starting your own!





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Coaching: Boundary Setting 101

One of the most important things to implement in a coaching relationship is boundaries. When you set boundaries with your clients, you let them know the expectations of the relationship. Boundary setting should start at the very beginning. Some clients are more high maintenance than others. They will expect you to be available at every beck and call. But you have other clients to serve as well. So in order to maintain communication, but not be overwhelmed by the needs of your clients, here are some tips to put boundaries in place.

1. Have clearly defined packages - If you have packages where clients are paying for x months of coaching, let the client know what that includes.
Ex: 3 months of coaching consisting of 9 45 minute sessions, plus an assessment session and unlimited email support between sessions.
This lets the client know what they are paying for and leverages expectations.

2. Voicemail - Use voicemail appropriately. If you're in the middle of a session with one client, and another one calls, let it go to voicemail. After listening to the voicemail, if its something that requires your prompt attention, call back as soon as possible. If you let the client know upfront, that they will receive email support between sessions, respond by email. Inform the client that you received the call, address their concerns, and touch base at the next session.

3. Keep personal disclosures at a minimum - The purpose of the coach-client relationship is to help the client achieve a specific goal. The client doesn't necessarily need to know about that time you got dumped in high school or what you did last night with the family. Personal disclosures should only be used as it pertains to helping the client. For example, if a client is struggling with self confidence, it may be appropriate to say, "I have experienced times where I lacked self confidence, but this is what helped me."

Remember that you are in business to serve others. But do not be a slave to your business. Boundary setting is essential to maintaining the proper balance.

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Coaching: Identifying Your Clients Thinking Errors

If you have coaching clients, they are typically coming to you because they are at a stuck point and it's your job to help them get unstuck. I would wager that 90% of the time the client is stuck is because of a thinking error. A thinking error is defined as an irrational thought that leads to negative emotions and can result in making poor decisions. Here are some of the the more common thinking errors that I see in my clients (Definitions courtesy of Quizlet):

1. All-or-Nothing - Viewing a situation as only one thing or another; in two categories instead of on a continuum. It can be identified if your client makes a statement such as "If I don't lose 5 lbs this week, I'm a failure"

2. Catastrophizing - Predicting the future negatively without considering other, more likely outcomes. I once had a client tell me, "If this event doesn't go well, no one will take me seriously, no one will ever hire me, and I'll end up living with my parents the rest of my life."

3. Discounting the Positive - Unreasonably telling self that positive experiences, deeds, or qualities do not count. Have you ever heard a client say "Yeah, but that wasn't all my doing" when something positive happens (i.e. Yeah, but I got the promotion because I was the only one left.)? It doesn't occur to the client that he is competent and deserves the promotion.

4. Labeling - Putting a fixed, global label on self or others without considering that the evidence might more reasonably lead to a less disastrous conclusion. Ex - I'm  worthless.

5. Mind-Reading - Belief that you know what others' motivations are, or what they are thinking while failing to consider other, more likely plausible possibilities. Watch for statements such as "I know my boss thinks I'm slacking off" or "They must think I'm a total idiot."

6. "Should" and "Must" statements - Having precise, fixed ideas of how self or others should behave and overestimating how bad it is that these expectations are not met. Ex. "I should be growing faster in my career."

7. Tunnel Vision - Only seeing the negative aspects of a situation. Ex. "My boss hates me, my wife looks down on me, and my children don't appreciate me."

Being able to identify thinking errors is key in helping your clients break through barriers. The next step is to challenge their statements. Here's a technique I like to use with my clients. First, I introduce the thinking errors and ask them if they recognize any that they use. Then, I have them write down those statements in a journal as they come up. We then spend about 5-10 minutes during the session to go over the statements and reframe them. I ask them questions such as "Does this really make you a failure?" or "How do you know your boss is thinking this?" So now that you've seen what I run into, what are some of the ones your clients use? Drop your comments below.

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3 Reasons Your Client is Resisting Setting Goals

If you are a coach, one of your first priorities is probably helping your client establish some goals. Well, this isn’t always an easy task and you may run into some resistance. That's ok. Resistance happens at times. Don't take it personally. But it's helpful to know why your client may seem unwilling to buckle down. So let’s look at 3 reasons why your client could be dragging his feet in the goal setting department.

1. Victim Stance – In most cases, clients are coming to you because they are tired of being victims of their circumstances. But the victim role is comfortable. The victim role allows the client to place the blame for all of their problems on others, rather than take responsibility for their own actions.  Sometimes, a client can play the victim for so long, they forget they have some control in what happens in their lives.  But setting goals forces a client to move beyond the victim role.
2. Fear – Let’s face it. Change is scary. For a client to set a goal means that he will be taking a risk. For the client to move out of his safety zone, he must come to the belief that the gains outweigh the risks, even if the process is a painful one.  For example, a client who is complaining about not liking his current career may be reluctant to explore other options for fear of losing the status he has attained in his current field.  Even though the client may be unhappy in his current field, he is familiar with is role and he feels safe.  To consider the possibility of trying something new can be stressful.  It is the coach’s job to help the client see the benefits of change and establishing goals.
3. Lack of Ownership – Setting goals means the client will have to make decisions and own them.  Clients often come in with the misconception that the coach is going to fix their problems and the coach is going to make all of the decisions for them.  In reality, the client is the one who must make the decision to change and decide what those changes will be.  The coach can then help facilitate the process.  If the client must make the decisions, then that means the client must take responsibility for the outcome.  This can be a scary proposition for the client, because it means that they cannot blame anyone but themselves if goals aren’t met. 

There may be other reasons, but these are the ones I usually run into when working with clients. The trick is to recognize where your client is coming from and address it head on. As long as you are doing a thorough assessment at the beginning, these issues should become apparent fairly quickly. Remember that clients want to feel understood. They want to know that you get it. A little reassurance can go a long while in the early stages of building rapport with a client. Most importantly, be sure your client is really ready for change, and that the client is aware that goal setting is a part of the process. Once you address these issues, goal setting should be a lot easier going forward. Happy Coaching!

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Knowing When to Fire a Client

A business thrives on attracting and maintaining clients. But every once in awhile, you come across a bad client. You know the one. Never satisfied. Never listens. Pays late or not at all. Don’t get me wrong. As much as possible keep the customer happy. But there are times when you and the client are not a good fit. That’s ok. If you have a quality product or service, then there will be other clients who will appreciate your work. So don’t get into a tug of war with a client who is not right for you. Let them go. But also give a referral to someone who may better suit their needs. That’s just good customer service. In the meantime, here are a 3 signs that will let you know it may be time to fire a client.

1. They are overly rude or critical: Even though they are coming to you for a product or service, you are still a human being, not a doormat. However, never be rude in return. You are a professional. Be very polite and say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can continue to assist you. I wish you well.”

2. They show a lack of commitment: Lack of commitment can include being habitually late or showing up unprepared to conduct business. This is especially true if you work in the services industry. Time is money. Your time is valuable. Don’t waste it on someone who is not putting in the same effort you are.

3. They pay late or not at all: You’re in the business of making money. If your client isn’t paying you, why are they your client? You have bills, too. If a check bounces, never take another one from that client unless it’s a cashier’s check.

Remember: you are not for every client and not every client is for you. Don’t be ashamed to walk away. But walk away the right way. Always remain professional, and if possible, refer to another provider. Until next time!

Coaching and the Stages of Change

There is a concept in psychology called the Stages of Change Model (SCM). The theory was developed by James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente in their study of addictions. However, SCM is applicable to other areas including coaching.

First, let me explain the 5 stages.

Stage 1 – Precontemplation

In this stage, you may not be aware of a problem. Or you are aware of the problem, but have no desire to change or address the issue.

Stage 2 – Contemplation

If you are in this stage, you are aware that there’s an issue and you are seriously thinking about making changes

Stage 3 – Preparation

In this stage you are preparing to take action, and the action will happen quickly

Stage 4 – Action

In this stage you are actively modifying the way you are currently doing things to effect change

Stage 5 – Maintenance

In this stage the change has occurred, but you are engaging in activities that maintain the change.

So how does this apply to coaching?

The very act of coaching involves being able to identify what needs to be changed to cause the desired result. Most importantly, your client needs to have a clear understanding that in order to make it to the next level, they must change, be aware of what needs to change, take action to cause the change, and then identify mechanisms to maintain the change that has occurred.

The people who are not your customers yet in your target niche may not recognize they have a blockage that keeps them from reaching the next level. They are in the precontemplation stage. You should have such a clear understanding of your niche, that you can identify the blockages (i.e. thoughts, beliefs, actions) that keep your clients where they are, and in need of your services.

So your marketing efforts should be focused on identifying the blockages that your target client may not be aware is a problem, and how you can collaborate with them to make the breakthroughs they are seeking. This helps move your future clients from precontemplation to contemplation. You want your clients to seriously think about addressing the blockages that are holding them back.

For customers who are in the preparation stage, they are researching you to see how you can help fix their problem. You will be Googled.   So your reputation in the marketplace should be as pristine as possible. That means networking, getting testimonials from former clients, having good customer service, and engaging in quality collaborations that advance your own brand.

The clients who are ringing your phone are either in the prep or action stage. You should be able to build a rapport with the client so that they willingly hand you that nice check. We’ll address rapport building in another post. It’s important to verify that your client is in the action phase and is committed to change. One way of doing that is give them an extensive application to complete. There should also be a through interview that takes place. Your time is valuable and so is your client’s. If after the application and interview you sense that you and the client aren't  good fit or they may not yet be ready to take the steps to make it to the next level, let them know upfront. However, if the client calls and says “I’ll gladly pay your fee and do whatever it takes to get it done,” that’s a good indicator that he is ready to take some action. Be sure to note how they approach assignments that you give them. Are there excuses about why the assignment wasn't completed every time? Are they redirecting the conversation to focus on other issues, rather than the task at hand? You may need to reassess the client’s readiness for change. That happens sometimes. But address the issue when it first comes up, not 6 months later when the client still hasn't shown any noticeable results of the changes they are trying to make.  

In the course of helping your client, you will likely identify other blockages that you can help them with. Back to precontemplation. Bring it to their attention. But be respectful if they aren't ready to address it yet. You are planting seeds for future business because you want repeat clients. You may also identify an issue that is outside of your scope. If that is the case, then refer to another coach or in some cases a psychotherapist when appropriate. Other coaches appreciate referrals and in turn would likely return the favor in the future.

Depending on your business model, you can make money in the maintenance phase as well. This can be done by offering additional services or packages that help your clients maintain the change they were seeking.  In the process, you continue to add value, which is always a good thing.  

Coaching: When to Refer to a Therapist

Let me start by saying coaching is not therapy. They have similar qualities and use similar techniques. But when you dig deeper, coaching and therapy serve different purposes.

When someone is in therapy, he is usually dealing with some past trauma or a current crisis that requires professional attention in order to gain mental stability. Depending on the person's diagnosis, he may even require the use of medications to maintain stability.

Coaching serves a different purpose. Coaching does not focus on dealing with past traumas or crises. The typical coaching client is looking to tweak certain areas of his life to make it to the next level. 

When you are coaching a client, you may notice some things that may need to be addressed, but are outside of your scope as a coach. So here are some situations in which it is advisable to refer to a therapist. 

1. Past history of trauma - If your client reveals a past history of trauma or abuse and you suspect that it's impeding progress, by all means refer to a therapist. It's not your job as the coach to try to help them through the trauma. There are specialized techniques for this type of work. 

2. Unstable mood - It's one thing to feel down every once in awhile. It's another if you're noticing constant mood swings in your client. There may be an undiagnosed mental illness that needs to be addressed. And most coaches aren't trained mental health professionals. 

3. Addiction - Dealing with addiction takes a special set of skills. I'm a licensed psychotherapist and even I refer out if the person has issues with addiction. 

4. Depression - If you notice your client has been appearing more depressed than usual or begins expressing a desire to no longer be alive, definitely refer to a therapist. If the client mentions that he wants to commit suicide, call for help. 

There may be other situations that arise that are best suited for therapy. When in doubt confer with a therapist at the very least. 

Side note: Since I am also a mental health professional, for ethical reasons I avoid entering into a dual relationship with my clients. If I am seeing a client for coaching and I notice that there may be some mental health issues that need to be addressed, I will refer to another therapist. 

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7 Tips to Finding Work/Life Balance

Do you ever get the feeling that one day you will look up and your kids are ready to leave home, but you have only a handful of memories because you spent all your time pursuing your career. You may lack balance in your life. That needs to stop because.

"I should have spent more time at work" said no one ever at the end of his or her life. Might have some other regrets, but that's not on the list. So here are a few ways to create more balance in your life.

1. Take a vacation. Many companies offer paid vacation time. Use it accordingly. If you are self employed or don't get paid vacation time, set aside money for a planned vacation and to cover expenses while you are away from work. Use that time to rest and rejuvenate.
2. Create a schedule. The schedule should include work, time for family, alone time with your mate, and exercise at the very least. Make adjustments to the schedule as necessary.
3. Make time for exercise. Exercise releases endorphines which helps to improve mood. It also keeps the body healthy and strong for as long as possible
4. Eat a proper diet. Eating properly which includes eating fruits and vegetables, helps boost energy
5. Rest. The average adult needs 7-8 hours per night of sleep to function optimally
6. Learn how to say no. You can't say yes to everything and everybody and expect to get much accomplished.
7. Delegate responsibility. Especially if you are an entrepreneur. Outsource the tasks that are not your specialty (i.e. bookkeeping, website design, marketing). This will help shorten your workload and free up time for leisure activities.

Overall, the purpose of having balance is so that you can be more productive. With the proper tools in place, you can be more effective in your career and family. If you need assistance in finding your proper work life balance, contact me at 321-800-8520 or truechangelifecoach@gmail.com

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5 Things You Need to Do to Become Unstuck

Remember Groundhog Day? The movie came out back in 1993, but surprisingly still resonates today. You have a guy who continues to experience the same day over and over again. Until he began examining his life and make some changes. He got out, met people, helped others, and became open to new experiences. Maybe you're feeling like everyday is Groundhog Day. Everything is the same. You feel stifled by the monotony of it all. So here are 5 steps to help rescue you from your own personal Groundhog Day.

1. Identify your passions by answering the following questions:
• What do you love to do? 
• What gives you fulfillment and a sense of belonging? 
• What inspires you?
• What do you need for your life to be meaningful?
2. Identify goals that align with your passions. Ex: Have a passion for food and can barely boil water? Set a goal of taking a basic cooking class. Have a passion for food and travel? Set a goal to experience the cuisine in the country of your choice. 
3. Make small changes over time. When you have been stuck in a rut for awhile, change can be scary. So small changes, will help you become more comfortable with bigger changes you want to make down the line.
4. Be open to risk. People often find it difficult to get unstuck because being stuck is comfortable.  Seeking change requires taking a risk.  
5. Help others. You may not be remembered for the job you had or how much was in your bank account. But you will be remembered for how much you gave back. Also, if you spend some time, (not all, but some), giving back and focusing on others, then you won't be in your own head as much. You won't have to listen to the voice that say you can't make a difference, because you are. Even if it's just spending time with an older person or a child. You are valuable and you give value to others. 

Now you need to take action. You can read all the books, listen to all the podcasts, attend all the self-help rallies in the world. But no one can make you become unstuck. If you are interested in becoming unstuck and moving forward in life, I have several packages available to help you along. Contact me for a free sample coaching session @ 321-800-8520 or email me truechangelifecoach@gmail.com today!

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